In the world...so many people so much waste....its a cluster fuck of overpopulated low pay minimum wage jobs out there i still hate how starbucks is becoming a high school cafeteria ALL OVER AGAIN. Somenight when i find my full time job as a over night graveyard shift and only come out during the day to what..reapply for welfair or get a AIDS test i see that as a small triumph...It simple typed...on paper..get a job...go to work..pay bills...
For now i can say that Northern California from Fresno, to Sacramento and in between has smelled the dead distillery smell of my unconsious body digesting the alcohol from the night before..that bottle of cheap wine in me soon pissed out.
San Francisco was fun,.,so many people living a higher standard of living on a small island.. then Sacramento, reminded me of the suburban hell that is to have the parental presence.,,,Houses..Famlies, Rules,...SUVS in the street...A teenage mom with 5 spanish speaking kids on the bus..Pajama pants, .smelly cars...Malls..and of course Food 4 Less. or the little brother who stares in retardation..or the sister who wants to stab u in the back ,..all reminders of the american dream that just will never exist in my condominium..
In the midst of overpopulation of the United States a single adult can not live as richly as most families do..Guzziling gas for their monster trucks..gian homes for their children funded by governemtn..No amount of cookies can pay for all your bills..Unless your cookies are really crime hits with the Mob.
I remember about a year of bumming it in the city i needed a book bag for class and found a Target in a near by...it was like visiting a foreign country....Families with young children in shopping carts...the warehouse feel of being suffocated under surveillance of fat bastards who watch americans everyday consume their government rational shares of which i dont qualify for..
My walk back to the train was pensive and by the time the BART surfaced at the Embarcadero under the billions of Gallons of Bay water i was lost again in the city of millions...between tall builings and the dilution of your american dreams..A few months after when i moved to sacramento i didnt expect the amount of resentment i felt looking at the new housing up in Folsom..manicured youth all trendy and clicky commenting on me as i sat glowering in the corners of coffee shops that remind me of school playgrounds...children dont like the taste..i wish they would just run to the candy store and enjoy the few years they have left..before i settle into eternal darkness.
Los Angeles is where i expect to find work..and to fade into the perpetual sunset of public attention and focus on myself, my work, and my home... although if baking cookies invovles crime hits with the mob and financial gain through the fall of others then ill bake me up a storm.
Ive decided to attempt to lose any kind of aid from the United States and ruck up to Canada eventually clearing me of my State side scape goat status that im just wading in. With this status I will look down into the United States from my refugee status and star! I am not blind to the lack of jobs...the kids who graduated with me all sucked up the minimum wage jobs like disaster aid...and ive somehow held on with what..Welfare..but if i were to remove myself complety that would be a ace in the hole..and my pon like position to the public eye will be cleared and maybe someone would ask me if i needed a place to stay besides if i wanted to get my dick sucked... i was asked that first thing this morning when another bum twice my age was squatting next to my sleeping bag...silently staring...i decided to get a gun and slept for a few more hours..
Meanwhile watch the country come together in a secondary 9/11 attack...and ill send post cards with me in a speedo stuffed with Canadian bills of the QUEENS face on it.
Its been 10 years since i enlisted in the US military and from what im hearing from the news theyre not eager to have me back...this guy Randy Phillips who looks like a highschool prom date is getting famous for is all caught up about being gay in the military...bitches....or anyone who knows me from FRESNO...laugh some more...nobody was trying to admit that they tickled their adams apple with my bloody rainbow..because it was too much fun..it was so nasty she was rated "i "and you only heard about these pissy bitches telling if they were jealous about sharing their boy's tight virginal ass holes from muscly but buddies..not getting caught up in that cocks barmitzh muffler munchin or whateva...speaking in third.
Hmm...My current daily visits to grocery stores like alberstons send the local crows and sea gulls into squawking frenzies...while i try to sneak a bottle of nyquil into my bag niggers and mexicans at the cashiers all sucking like vampires all fat and dressed like homeless transients i would rather shop in a different part of the country and go out into snow and ice than have to be around the poor. really...makes me sick..cold weather would really freeze the buzz...would be nICE...lol..
I'm still in Las Vegas... and there are more Casino's that hospitals...homeless shelters, and jobs...this one was not EVEN get finished,,,
Don't Bring that Chicken In
Ive come to a conclusion that the death threats from the public keep human aquaintences away...like some black man finds out that i have a room mate and they will call and death threat and then there like Oh Shit,,,Nevermind,,,lol so thats ok...anyone who follosw me to Seattle will be evident and most likely freeze next year...im getting ready for that..
maybe he wants a cookie...
Given the circumstances, i am not surprised at my curent "living" situation. Lets start at the beginning when my birth mother...the ugliest chick at the dance...sick..fat...and on drugs. looking like a zombie chicken little and a case of meth face .birthed me..then threw me into the public school system for 13 years and was exported to a foreign country at 18....after that i fell into gay circles of prostitution and alcoholism isolating me from borng minimum wage jobs to support my drug and motel room habits,,,
about 90% of students stay together with their families and friends after high school giving them some sort of support..and um..becuase i hate jail and im not a a cross dressing hooker anymore i lost contact with acquaintances leaving me out in the world drifting from welfare office to welfare office.. And for family? After returnin to the country in military service i squat with her in her house with, some borrowed children and a fat usless computer nerd who ignored my strand and heard my loud music as just noise calling the police on me and relocating me to a small jail cell. They are now dead to me...
so enough of my loser family and poor friends...
heres a BEFORE & AFTER:
Vegas has to be the last stop before i settle and begin to wage war for a apartment and a wardrobe...getting money should be my only concern daily but everyone else is so gone into the rat race that ive become a muse in the sinking sand of a cause that either entertains them or perpetuates their walls..
I encourage the graduating youth of this decade to fall into addictions, crisis, and devastation that will open oppurtunity and work positions for me. Please see jail as a badge of courage...and gang bang your way into priosn...i have been there musing to your sorry ass about whatveer but now its time to pay the hooker....disease, famine, poverty are all usefull tools for my gain in income...i might be there at KFC or Starbucks one day doing about 10 hours a day to go home to a beer and margaret cho DVD just to pay rent...and ill think of U...all proud and gossipy in the early twenty tens while i waded in the fields of anonymity...waiting for the worst to happen so i could gain a wage..in AMERICA..i have served overseas just for your petty freedoms..i have slept in the cold dirt for your war...and i have stolen your goods from your fascist stores...now invite in death and devastation to be the Wynn of my success..
So the drifter look is starting to alarm the drunks in nevada. like hmm is this serious??...no my prom dress is..
Hmm too much axage..in the breast area...my mom is such a bitch! shell make me change! I wish i could look more like these girls..
The last time i was on the bus with evil gossiping computers and a 15 minute delay on surveillance cam that led me to alcoholiosm and anti social behavior...so i have a rent paid 1 bedroom condo with a a car and a job that i enjoy like pouring alcohol...No? Ill just keep traveling cracking that fish bowl being chased by a nano computer tellingon me everytime i fart....im hella far this time in Henderson looking at colleges heres vid..
Today is the first day of classes and smart people who need to work take online classes...so ill be doing that in la to get a real degree. Im a outdoors person and the weather will be fair...
What would you ask Obama?
I would ask for exile to a country where the public doesnt eat so much shit and does so little. Canada would be a easy tease, England, and Germany.
Its a cloudy day in Nevada. on a sunday a few weeks into the New Year...and im am the mall seeing the industry for what it is...Money sucking Vampires all wanting to make money..money..money...it was never about making an apperance...or looking cool...or impressing anyone...it was about making money...and as a teenage i was never handed jobs like it was peniciilin..the greed surrounding me was peking at my face like hunry pigeons in public...another themes is of course gender confusion...probably the gay youth in their bubbles still in their own little emotional catharsis..i hope this picture clears up any confusion you have about that..
sometimes i still hear spanish in public bathrooms and wonder how immigrants have weaseld their way into a better living situation...maybe Germany would take me in...or the East coast. I am natually born here since 1985..have served in the Armed forces and have all the priviledge of sleeping in a disty field. Irony? Discrimination? Laziniess? PUBLIC school ended almost a decade ago and the current customers i would be serving if i were to be taken in b the white girls i mean staff at starbucks look --alive. I dont know where to go, im moving to a city with a working port that isnt so glamorized like San Francisco...where i can just go to work and not feel like im in a relationship...personal details brought up out of nowhere like the cries from hell. cries from the other side of the wall...cries and cries...
I walked to the strip in las vegas today from way out in the wetlands...it was windy and the dirt was blowing in my eyes and the dark clouds above teased with sprinkles on my face. My grey scarf was blowing in the wind and i used that that big cereal bowl to find my way to the starbucks,,,,it was a long road with the the tower in view and i wished for the clouds to black out the sun as it made me feel safe on the dirty stained streets of people clothed like they just got evicted from one of the many cheap motels that plague las vegas. without access to the a shower or a ceiling homeless i freshened my arm pits and face in the bathroom...then listened to margaret cho channel memories from the past by scents such as powdered balls in pantyhose...or shit and latex...the smell of a penis and your saliva....memories....
I visiting a homeless shelter looking for food relief...there was a long line of dirty men and retarded looking women in jeans and wind breakers...upon entering the dining hall a fat man axed me to put my bags outside and i left listening to Judas on Lady Gaga...i wasnt putting my cheap walmart laptop bag unattended for about 2 dollars worth of food...surround by criminals...Jesus has some really bad company Im Disgusted...On the way back to the wet lands near the damn i walked through the Drunken Experience of middle age crackheads dancing to christian rock probably...Las Vegas is reminded a lot of my moms old dives in Fresno...one bar shed go to was El Molino Rojo...middle aged drunks in sweats barely hanging on...i felt despair and hopelessness..
I developed on WIX my Homes4Homo Campaign. I intend on settling soon and am telling the public what im all about..which is tackling my problems with joining groups and causes to bleed that stone of gossip to make the public admit the cause of their ignorance. I hate being the hot topic in public and it doesnt get me anywhere or anything,.so i will begin to beat that drum that it is time to let go of everything and find a new life.. with ties to groups of which may or may not be LGBT but will share the common cause of getting homes4homos...
this is my link to the page..www.wix.com/adamportmaner/home
leaving in the jails and shelters are debates with men and woman who care more about whats between their legs mainly because they dont want something with baggage crawling into bed with them...those people should divide themselves and its usually far, far, away from me.
You and I
Instead of passing out wage jobs like peniciilin the pubilc and their comments leave them as targets for crime. Period. I freshened up at a fast food bathroom ths morning and will probably go to the mall later...
Last night i drew tis....
Cheres Needles prolly live here...i moved under a tree growing wild n a field yesterday and slept ok...saw a few ghosts my piercing studs fell out...goiong to get them redone i really liked them but they wouldnt stay screwed...
Shaved Eyebrows...
Have you seen those people mainly on the bus with no fare with missing hair on their eyebrows..why do they do that? What does their anal hole look like? a hairy thorny tunnel:? a bush of pubes? Braided pits?
i think they just started shaving their face and couldnt stop i think..Or gang relation? What breed of dog...or wutt-ever...lol honey if your going to channel your animalistic spirit at least pick something that doesnt pee on my rug...
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