De nino...vivia en un rancho en guatemala, Mexcio.  Mi papa tenia muchos animales...caballos, gallos, gallinas...Y era una casa bien grande. Le gustava crecer fruta para vino y tambien era backero,, yo y mi Ermana jugavamos en la yarda y creci  hasta los 17 anos cuando se enfermo mi papa del egado... se murio y le dio todo el rancho al mi ermana.

Bianca mi hermana vendio el rancho y se caso con un Negro. Un mayate de Puerto rico, y se movieron a Los Angeles en los
projectos y me invitaron a vivir con ellos...Tuvieron un baby y ya no me pudieron tener me con ellos,
andava en la calle y tamb ien fui al collegio y un soldado visito y me mieteron al army del  los estados unidos,

fui a triniar con ellos y una ves un gabacho de nueva york me pregunto si era un gay...pues no savia que era eso...
le dije pues no Se.. le dije...y lluego supe que era de tener acostar te y cojer con hombres en la cama...y fui a conocer
un soldada que me metio al bano y me metio la verga a mi cola y empese a pensar que tiena muchos varios cuerpos,
poquito chi chi, pedaso de verga, pompees,

y supe que confundia a los hombres porque le dava el orgullo a meter me la verga  y llevar me de paseo,
perro tambien trabajar,, andava aya por la fregada con los hindus, y los alemanes, y aya aya aya en colorado...

lluego vine patras a los angles en donde estoy  ahorra...


me da apollo cuando pienso de mi ermana y que se quedo con el rancho, y yo con mis pedasos de cuerpo,,,collectando todos estos anos...como comida...

That was where things began to go wrong i think..Jesus rosary beads of bull shit...

Walmart with MA & PA....as a child was scenic...i have the suspision my role as a pawn in their gainful path to being a star
began long ago....all the way from Guadala Haira ...

so we would go to the store and just like my out of body experiences
drunk and almost dead i would appear in heaven as a ghost or in a dream...

...i mean safeway...trying to buy... but now 20 years later complete opposite of a drunk zombie i was a perky lil pup wagging its tail on camera for all to see in the central valley miles from T- Wanna..probably laced with crack so i would seem excited to take home a piece of the flag... i mean wealth.
but my pieces of body fluid from male to female is still and has always been the center of attention....while the girls in highschool were getting pregnant...with debt and while we were out in the dog park partyin in sexual deviancy that makes me evil...

they still insist on being the demographic to make money working as discrimination against LGBT is very relevant in the positions for minimum wage work in the industry.

like honey we wont just lose the Rancho...we'll lose our blood line....our homes, and our fabulous sequins at the Mall..

those fags cant take EVERYTHING!

but i do work in day care and im very GOOD with children..especially minorities...

Things are as gainless as ever. Im on the titty bill and things are stil as shitty as they get being broke.

I was never in a position to be able to better myself and oppurtunity is hidden behind a  wall of invisible alliances forged by people with deep family ties, friends and heterosexuallness...

Fresno, San Francisco, Oakland, Sacramento, Las Vegas, Los Angeles....cities on the west coast where ive realized are populated by people who support themselves by either pushing something out of there vagina and having the goverment give them housing or are the unseen middle class who have generations of family in this country...

my background is people who used the border like a revolving door and food stamps like gambling chips...never making anything out of themselves only to put faith in the POLICE or the government to maintain us in the low standard of living
also know as poverty...

oh the gay thing?

i may play feminine but i have no pride in what ive seen out there...cock sucking broke flabby fat bastards....
if i had a gay flag id dip it in oil and burn  it on some heteros truck then throw a stilleto at that black guy inthe white house before i get sent to prison for a Arson wildfire in the suburbs of Los Angeles because my credit score is Oren Cheekin.

How pathetic is a bar to have a drink minimum?
Long Beach must really be sucking cock to pay those beach house bills when the crowd looks like something out of a elderly home while i read my Dr. Murad skin spa plan some black guy in dreads barks to me this is a bar!  U have to buy a drink...that did nothing for my need to just destroy life tonight...i truly have the genuine urge to take someone life in exchange for a place in this worlds despite all the constant awarness that the public shows and the amount of nothingness that is done about it...

i am aware that they have my "CHECk" and apparently on the train across the staple center in LA....some asian bitch probably in college with her gal pals screams...

"OH THERE GOING TO GRIND!' 

She said mentioning my iPhone Ap like if it was of any importance to her...

and realized how much deep down i wanted to pull out a gun and shoot her in the back of the head on the rail down to long beach...

it felt right...like vindication and vengance for a line crossed that is simply not her or anybody elses business regardless of how  UGLY, FAT, and USELESS the men on Grindr are...

SHIT SIT AND MORE SHIT

personally the change ive made in attempting to drink a bit of the shit thats out there besides any kind of alcohol is  a waste..

Realizing now that i must have had the stomach lining of a elephant to ingest petroleum sized train tanks of liquour, beer, and wine all the while ignoring your sorry cheap fat ass and not realizing i should of prayed for natural disasters because it will take a act of god and a lot of death before anyone moves and makes room for me...

ive signed up for the red cross volunteer service...

see u in hell.

I think i can escape the zombies...with financial capital in different neighborhoods that are higher in income...t
The homeless just seem that much more criminal if they follow me from the shelter to Starbucks so ive gone out of my way to work out, eat, and sip gossip
in like CANADA... i mean Manhattan beach which is about 7 miles south of  LAX aipport
...the real estate is  gorgeous and ive seen a few suits in starbucks cafe but couldnt help say

"Oh theres your boyfriend when i saw a bum peeping through the window, and then moving the couch
i am sitting on to plug in his calculator... "

really where is everyone?
the LA Rail ride over here looks like a county jail detention waiting room, smells
like tortillas and i feel the need to be armed with a gun by the amount of coloreds that board at late hours
of the night....

so where is everyone? No doubt hiding underneath there west elm bed 20 feet above the street in a loft
that cost more than the death and burial of most of these people....

I'm welfare fraud episode away from stowing away on the Queen Mary with pirates and sailing back
to England. 

Ive reviewed employment opportunity and all i have assured  myself is that i can
clean and do manual labor jobs...i dont have any centered field skill except agriculture of which
i dont want to farm, and am too tipsy drunk to grow a beard and get payed to be a park ranger
so i have to find something that pays the rent...
 
Prostitute?
Maid?
Bar Back?
Bar Tender?
Bar Fly?
Cock  Sucker?

Personally i understand most people have rode the tides of the failing economy through sucking their mothers eternal family tit..
Family from what ive seen growing up in low income school in the central valley is that there was at least five kids to a paycheck and most of them have no problem reproducing like a colony of ferrel cats...which are probably still there...

Ten Years ago we were driving -probably in a stolen car -after high school talking about what
we were going to do which was going to LA where i am  now...
...and the passengers of that car i think now are either dead, still there or fighting homeless zombies
in homeless shelters...

I understand as a GAY man..there is a limit to what we can do and have in this world. Such as a family of
ferrel cats who reproduced after  they swam over the rio grande to live off of welfare that we dont qualify for
housing...just food stamps and if u can get a job...they also limit that...

so if need a maid to clean ur house..or have a yacht or submarine waiting...
or some logs tied together..know im Wide Open..

i  like to listen to chill, down temp music when i read...it sets the mood and today i am reading through the college days of the wicked witch of the west where the clash of wealth, good and evil begin to be discussed as Elphaba is beginning her tantrum over the unfair treatment of animals and then i realized why holloween is so fun...

it is a rare time in the year when if ur in a house where your IF your mother and father are very strict with what you eat, do and wear is like a gang bang party on folsom 1015 dancing high on crank having sex with really good looking men and indooooolging...

eating unhealthy, probably dressing like a slut, and knocking on other people homes...very sinful and wicked...Holiday!

But if your like me and a lot of the unstructured youth of this generation and times then its just like another trip to Wal*Mart where people arent dressed like zombies theyre poor, and they're eating unhealthy because drugs dont mix with food, and those gays guys really ARE the village people...

I basically grew up in public schooling with no family...a same age distant brother and a alcoholiic sick mother who never looked in the mirror because she was so hideously ugly to look at...

Besides bringing my canker sores to lie with hard evidence and printable evidence if you arent at the Starbucks psycho ward for hours at a time then go have a Chat with Kathy down by where the cops give u a warrant for a arrest if u dont have a ticket on the train and where i take my homeless whore showers in Long Beach California...

im not going i dont have the attention span...lol

last i heard she was a Tired Hooker and now that she is back in LA she is probably driving on down here from her home in Beverly Hills swatting gay guys with poppers and steroids personally delivering wine from BEVMO! to her alcoholic elderly mother...ready for two shows tonight,...ill probably be down in the marina making fun of white rich girls...but not beating them up i usually get crimed and thrown in jail instead its the only way around the Hilter Trump Card...

Today i returned to the area near the bigger gay club in Long Beach Ripples...the street near there has two Starbucks and the locals come in dressed casual...what would/should i be wearing?  besides a straight jacket and a morphing drip IV bag?
Gym clothes really...i continue my antisocial campaign that leaves me alone and in poverty but with moments of epiphanys that will eventually end or begin some kind of meaningful life...

so...im reading a book who i received as a gift from a  anonymous stranger on the street who parted ways with it in his room at the port of long beach... Its called Wicked.. about the life and times of the most hated frogger girl whose discrimination against her turns her evil.  Its great....

What else is happening? The pride parade in san Francisco this Sunday...the parties..the guys...the disappointments..the trips to the porn arcade for some real man on man action...like were stopping traffic so tonight we can do us some sexual deviency..
and everyone else is like.. u gotta stop traffic to do that?  for a parade?  i thought i was bored...

but yet it seems like so much more than that?  u know the development of those young sad people feeling groin tension for someone the same sex as them....like it means so much...*Margaret Cho's Mom impersonation   THEY LOVE ASS SO MUCH THEY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!   Then they get tortured and beaten in siilence like japanese woman in a foreign sweat shop. 
Only in America...
*FAGS....
lol

its not that im not proud and want everyone to know who i sleep with in my bed at night....when i can pay rent ...its just that im just with the right amount of money i can do anything...especially in Vegas...from sucking cock of a 200 dollar a hour muscle rent boy to sleeping in a palace in sequins, gowns, and jewels...or getting a brand new body and titty slapping anyone who wants to make relevance of my sexuality....

sometimes it would have just been financially better to stay in the closet until retirement at least i could give the kids a show with some old fashion drag instead of putting on a wig and trying to turn on straight boys or even worse wanting to...

Im continuing my bitching about a British Royal Exhibition in Los Angeles because i am just terrified of the mexican border. Any more homies jumping that fence and ill lose my welfare too...and even the gym showers where i clean myself will look like Hayward California's 24 Hour Fitness where the local homeless shelter makes hourly shuttle trips to curve the old, worthless, and decrepit left to a life of worthlessness and only have the word Jurado in defense of their intrusion...

Lady Princess Diana of Whales which is like a million miles away from here...like to sail here you have to go through the panama canal around florida,, and over across the atlantic and dock somewhere in Liverpool, England where there were just beans not beaners...im so wasted sometimes i feel like a Jehovah's witness...contactless, penniless, sexless, homeless, directionless, i think that devil boss from that Anne Hathaway movie is living my life or at least driving my car...so boring...the pain in the ass it is to have to ride a bike....but with no real cause anyway...so my excitement continues or attention span towards a museum in port with a fabulous British Token like The Queen Mary...

I dont want the little things today to get to me... thats muffling traffic things keeps squealing like a pig but that doesnt bother me today... although im alone it has followed me very far... the internet is so raped with uselessness...PerezHilton transmits STDS...Facebook is full of people i dont know and cant talk to..and the gay cruising sites send me...pic after pic of fat flab hair
and a penis squirt into space where it is left there forever except when my Clinic test results show some kind of infection.

omg Sister Roma is the Grand Marshal for the Gay Pride Celebrations in northern california San Francisco...

Thats a fab-U-less pic of her.. Dressed in white..revinvented the wig with feathers...jewels....elbow length gloves...and a disco ball.. makes me want to buy a house in france and fill it up with very fancy clothes...cheese..salami..and wines...would be a nice way to go

instead im here at another starbucks cafe that sometimes reminds me of a cafeteria from school or some kind of jail...i think ill go to oil fields of long beach today and fantasize about riches above and beyond this..

i have nothing planned at all...

today i plan on bike ride through the more wealthy neighborhoods of longbeach and huntington beach... the train ride back
to downtown Los Angeles looks like a ghetto african safari train through the poverties of the congo and its very unpleasant.
Aparently what isnt famous about LA is the OIL gold mines that have been pumped out from under the southern california...

I mean their World Trade center looks like a oil pump jack...i had no idea there was a oil craze in the early twenties... i never
wondered where oil came from..i knew that there was foreign wars for natural resources and that anna nicole bought her new body,
drugs,, and clothes with her husbands oil riches but i never associated it with LA ..although that explains all the cars on the road that nature meant to fill the future engines with underground liquid money....

Ok now to wikipedia for the history of Oil Wells... gas wells..ocean well pumping...costs of up to $30 millions of dollars...
hmm theres a  fresh and easy on signal hill thats has that kitch to go with ready made meals...the shrimp chow mein
looked delicious......
so yea abuot cutting...i think i just cut pics out of Gloss Magazine... like this one,..im gonna go

Between me and Vegas is death...The Valley...Suprisingly my going away party was letting in three
black kids into my hotel room who stole my laptop and the 911 call went horribly wrong...
I was charged with intimidating a officer as the thieves ran off into the night and i spent three
days in jail of which my court date in August will surely be a failure to appear and a warrant for
my arrest.  Guess i wont be going back to that State anytime soon, though i kept the welfare card
of which i applied for food stamps and will have to reapply here in Los Angeles...

After the arrest i took a bus straight for long beach where ive been squatting at..
I take trips to the beach, eat at little mexican stores, and people watch really.
its settleable though i dont know how i can get a job... Ive been spending the last
of the money i had....and will probably move to the east coast in all eventuality...

here in the Long Beach im concerned about the concentrated black minority groups
who live work and have tried to leach off of me.. one night a few days ago i was
charging my new laptop that i bought used in Compton at a Starbucks and three
little black boys tried to steal it.. i would have killed them and have been put away
for murder...so George Zimmerman and Trayvon Niglet case..

Though i do get away..my favorite area of LA is the airport and Venice beach..i ride my
bike through there to santa monica and love seeing all the hot guys with their shirts off.
I also went to the gay pride in West Hollywood and the estate home are really cute.
Suprisingly though the price isnt at upwards of 1,500 a month for a room and that
just seems accomadating.. it really is who you know out here of which i dont know
anyone and can only meet guys at the bar because any online gay site are probably
monitored by the police or some crazy stalker fan...

i have a year to get a stable permanent financial situation...until then i will probably
make up my mind of where i am going to get my first room mate...if its here or
the east coast.


im trying to meet someone...i imagine someone who owns a beach house
and is settled who would like the company of a younger homo,  i have
fantasy's about getting kidnapped to a rich estate in hungtington beach and
waking in stabilization and derma care.. that would be the best possible
ending...
Remember that comic who i was listening to in Vegas at that dirty highway
motel Drew Droege? In the cold, dirty, room with too much booze and fire?
Ya he is in West Hollywood doing midnight shows at Fubar..Mario Dias
actually responded to my comment on Facebook probably because it had something to do
with money , murder, or dick.  I could start stalking him...or get a boyfriend.
i dunno...i hear the gang sometimes in my pyscho ward...Nicole Peon
too..

So im just here chilling in SoCal..i cant believe how hot it was when i was in Nevada...
waking up to 90 degree mornings and the thirst was killer...surpisingly i wasnt vicitim
to more crime though i just felt so lost and at sea in that hotel room ....i should guard my
personal belongings better..with a gun actually.